My MoThErFuCkIn' MiRaClE
by GemIInII Dragon
Summary: Gamzee Makara love story. Finished the first chapter at 1 AM 3/9/15 after working on it for two hours. Hope you enjoy my cruddy writing, constructive criticism is a miracle, and please note I might change the rating to M later. ALSO, this is a Homestuck fanfic, therefore there is cussing. I don't see why I have to explain that...


I have to recount several times before I finally come up with a solid number. As it appears, there are twelve of them. Twelve humanoid, horned creatures with dark skin and black hair. Six female, six male. Sitting up in my secret spot in the giant tree next to the compound, I watch with amusement as the short, nubby-horned male starts yelling at the slightly taller, four-horned male again.

The horned people, who called themselves "trolls", just showed up randomly. From another session of The Game. Honestly, it's a miracle they've even motherfucking survived this long! They've been around for about two days now, but I still haven't talked to them. I've seen 'em around, sure, but I figured if they wanted to talk to me they would, so I left them be. They interest me to say the least. Always talkin' in funny metaphors and calling us weird. They're quirky.

I lean my head back against the tree and sip my Cotton Candy Faygo. Ahh, Faygo. So delicious. I don't think I could motherfucking live without the stuff. It's a miracle is what it is. To me, almost everything is a miracle... But Faygo? Faygo is really close up at the top of the best motherfucking miracles in the world. I shift a little on the tree branch and drop one of the Faygo bottles.

"Shit." It falls. Aw man, and it was a Blueberry Raspberry too. Those are good.

I sigh and decide I'll just get it later. I'm comfy and don't really feel like moving. I tilt my head to the side to see that the trolls have dispersed, and a few of them have vanished to do other things. A quick count of Zodiac symbols says that the Gemini troll, the Capricorn troll, the Aries troll, the Pisces troll, and Aquarius troll have all left. Leaving the other seven just sitting around talking.

_**HONK!**_

I just about fell of the tree branch I was on, scared fucking shitless by the sudden noise. I look down, and see one of the trolls climbing up with surprising agility. It isn't long before said troll sits on the branch next to me.

"Hey there wicked sis! Whacha all up and doing in this motherfuckin' tree?" I took a moment to stare at the male troll. The Capricorn troll spoke with a slurry, lazy drawl in his tenor voice, and has to be at least 6'7 not including the horns, which in turn stretched upwards with a few curves along the length. His yellow eyes lazily stared at me and a lazy smiled scrawled across his face, revealing sharp teeth. His jet black hair was wild and frizzy. He wore long black pants with gray polka-dots, purple shoes, and a black tee with the Capricorn sign on the front; and on his face was clown like make-up.

"Hey. I like sitting up here, cause it's calming. And you get a good view of everything." He smiled wider and nodded, holding up a bicycle horn and squeezing it, making the same 'honk' sound you heard earlier. And in his other hand, was the Faygo bottle you had dropped!

"I saw you jump. I'm sorry if I all up and motherfuckin' startled you. I heard the motherfucking Faygo drop onto the ground, and I was all like, 'Whoa-oa! Motherfucking Faygo falling from the sky?! Miracles!'. Then I saw you sitting up here, and thought, 'now what's a wicked sis all up and doing in a motherfucking tree?'. So I came to investigate." I noted that he really liked saying 'motherfucking'.

"Yeah. Sorry about that. It fell while I was moving on this fucking branch." He held it out to me, but I thought for a moment and declined. "Go ahead and have it. I've got plenty to go around." The troll grinned.

"Honk! Well ain't you a nice little motherfucker?" He opened it and took a large swig of it, sighing contentedly afterwards. "My name's Gamzee! Gamzee Makara. Thank ya for all up and sharing your motherfuckin' Faygo with me." I couldn't help but smile. He was a pretty friendly guy.

"Nice to meet you Gamzee. And you're welcome. My name's Amethyst. But you can call me Amy."

"Well ain't that a motherfuckin' miraculous name? Just like the motherfuckin' gem, right?" I blew my hair out of face and chuckled.

"Yeah. Like the gemstone. Thanks for the compliment, but my name doesn't really suit me, it is a royal color after all." He smiled wide, and spread his hands out.  
"That don't all up and motherfuckin' matter. Everyone's name mirrors something within them, whether in motherfuckin' personality, or in just something they all up and like to motherfuckin' do. Or maybe in something they haven't even motherfucking done yet. Every name and every person is a motherfuckin' miracle." I smile right back at him. It is really hard to not like this guy. He's really nice.

"That's a pretty fucking wonderful way to view it." I take a gulp of Faygo.

"Well thanks for listening. Most of my motherfuckin' troll brothas and sistas, just all up and tune me out after a while." I can't figure out why this doesn't seem to bother him.

"Oh. Sorry about that." He shrugs.

"It's all motherfuckin' fine." He downs the rest of the Faygo and looks at the empty bottle. It had been a simple 24 oz. While I'm sitting here with a three-quarter full 2-liter of Cotton Candy Faygo. I open the bottle and hold it out.

"You wanna share? I don't fuckin' mind if you don't." He looks at me in what appears to be surprise, then his face cracks into yet another smile.

"Honk, honk. I don't all up and motherfuckin' mind." He accepts the bottle and take a few gulps of the sugary drink, then hands it back to me. "You know, you're a lot nicer than a few of the other motherfucking humans 'round here. The one with the different colored eyes scares me a little." I had had a mouth full of Faygo at that point, and snorted, some of it getting in my nose. I swallow and cough a little, trying to laugh as I do, which just made it worse.

"You mean Tanya? Don't mind her. She's just... Well... she just doesn't get along well with other people, and is a little on the pessimistic side." I wipe my nose and mouth on my sleeve and manage to stop coughing.

"All up and sounds like Sollux."

"Who?"

"The motherfucking troll with four horns."

"Oh. Gamzee. Sollux. Do all trolls have such strange names?" Gamzee looks thoughtful for a minute.

"John, Dave, Tanya, Amy. Do all humans have such strange motherfucking names?" I have to admit. He's got me there.

I sit there, pursing my lips, before I raise my eyebrows and reply, "Good point."

Gamzee holds out his hand, and I pass him the Faygo. He drinks, and when he hands it back to me it's only one-fourth the way full. When I take a few swigs, there's barely enough for a cup.

"I just realized it has all up and been quite a motherfucking long time since I've had Cotton Candy Faygo." Gamzee drawled suddenly, just kind of staring off into space.

I chuckle at the look on his face and hold out the bottle. "Want the rest of it?" He glances over at me, smiling his lazy smile.

"Sure, if you're all up and motherfuckin' sure you don't want it." I pause for a moment, take a small gulp then hand the rest to Gamzee. "Honk." He drinks the rest, and we are left with no Faygo. Granted I've got plenty in my room.

We just sit there for a while, chatting about random things and Faygo, until I start getting thirsty again. I look over at Gamzee, "Hey Gamzee?"

"Honk?"

"Wanna go get more Faygo? I'm thirsty."

"Sounds like a good motherfuckin' plan, wicked sis."

I carefully inch my way off the branch, more than slightly jealous that he jumps down with seemingly no problem what-so-ever. I get a few feet down when I lose my footing like the klutz I am, and fall. I shout out and expect to hit the ground, but instead Gamzee catches me. He sets me down on my feet, and I realize just how right I was about him be at LEAST 6'7. Gamzee makes me feel like a fucking midget...

"Thanks Gamzee." I tilt my head up to look at him.

"No motherfuckin' problem, Amy. You know, honk, I need to all up and make you some motherfuckin' Faygo pie sometime." Now I cannot deny that, that sounds good.

"Mmmm~! Faygo pie! That sounds yummy!" He honks the bicycle horn.

"So where do you all up and keep your motherfucking Faygo?"

"In my bedroom." He tilts his head, looking slightly confused before realization hits him.

"Oh! Your motherfuckin' respite block. Gotcha." Troll metaphor apparently? I lead him into the building, our quest for Faygo beginning.


End file.
